Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
