I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
