A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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