Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
