In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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