i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Randomize
