Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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