so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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