tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
