batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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