the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
