but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
