That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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