You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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