I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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