I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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