It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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