We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
