Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
