I wannas sexs uuuuu
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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