What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
