My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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