I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
