Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
