Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
