Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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