he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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