She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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