Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
