we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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