Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
