I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
