May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
