Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
