I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
