she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
