Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
