TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
