i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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