so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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