You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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