You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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