let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
