I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
