yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
