RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
