Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
