A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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