i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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