I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
